In the midst of exploring porosity through collage and poetry-writing, I was standing in the hallway talking to two male faculty. I tentatively put forward the idea that as I collaged, my hands would take the lead. They knew where to go next.

"Your hands don't know" quipped one of the senior faculty. There was no response from the other. I said no more for a long time.

It wasn't until several months after I got a tenure track job that I felt safe enough to complete the methods section of this dissertation. Even then, at times, it still felt quite risky.